Fear and Loathing

Here I am. Thirty-two going on twenty-two. I think every man knows that journey. We want to become men, but at the cost of not growing up. However, this year alone I have made great strides to crossing over into manhood. The biggest step was paying off my student loans. I may not be big on long term goals, but I do have smaller ones. I don't like planning too far ahead as I disappoint easily when things don't go according to plan. So I take goals in steps. Since the student loan is gone, I can 1) purchase a home and 2)go back to school courtesy of my company (free ride).

So why have I regressed for so long? My life has been standing still for the past three years (minus the job promotion). What has stopped me from moving forward? Cynicism mainly. I always thought I would be married with children by now, but I am far from it. The only child I have is my adopted American Eskimo Spitz named Snowy.

Which brings me to the source of my cynicism: dating. I was set to be married twice, but for unforeseen circumstances and many blessings counted later, I am still single. What's wrong with that, you ask. For one, let me remind you that I am thirty-two. The proverbial clock is ticking down. Secondly, dating. It's frustrating.

I have been single for the past six years. I have dated off and on. I must say how different dating is from when you were twenty-something. I think you want different things from decade to decade. What is irritating about dating is the disappointment, and it comes in two flavors. You either meet people you have share no interests or values with, or you meet the one woman who you think is perfect only to find she'd rather be friends.

I used to consider myself a romantic, but all of this disappointment with dating just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong. It may sound like I am lonely. I am far from it. It's just that I am exhausted emotionally and mentally. I'm to the point now where I would rather remain single instead of repeating the dance, and I refuse to settle. So save your "you haven't met the right person" and "she is out there" speeches, you'll only waste your time.

Wow, this was suppose to be an introductory, but became a rant. I'll behave on the next post.

Until next time,
Rob