Been a long time since I have written anything on this blog, but I had sort of an epiphany today. For those who do not know me that well, I tend to look at things in a romantic light. Blame it on creativity. Blame it on optimism. Hell, blame it on love songs and romantic comedies. But, I am one of those nice guys who (and yes, even still through all the shit I've been through recently) believes there is One still out there for me.
Yes that is a fairy tale, created by Hollywood and greeting card companies. However, my belief in that One has altered a bit. It is funny really. I would meet someone and want to share my excitement with my mother. She would just smile and say "You said the last one was the One."
Honestly, we all have several "Ones" throughout our lives. Looking at them overall, it seems silly because they never were the "One" we were meant to be with, but they all carry merit. Recently, I met someone that I felt something amazing with. She opened my eyes. I know that she and I will never be together after what brief romance we shared. What I do know is that she is the One who made me believe again and who took the bitterness away.
Looking back at my crazy history of relationships, I see now how each One served a purpose: the One who inspired my music, the One who taught me to live, the One who taught me to act, the One who tested my integrity, etc. Each One is just a piece of the puzzle that makes me who I am today. For the first time, I am thankful for each and every One of them.
So all of you hopeless romantics out there rushing to find that One person you are destined to be with, remember the Ones left behind or who got away. You aren't the person you are today without them.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Peronsal in an Impersonal World
So I just now saw the new "Now Network" Sprint commercial and it really got me thinking. No I'm not switching carriers. I'm a company man. But seriously, where did we as society become so detached and impersonal? It's all texts and emails, facebook and mySpace. And I still don't know what twitter is.
Two decades ago, we were writing hand-written letters whether we were mailing missed loved ones or passing notes in class to that high school crush. Now we just send an email or a mobile text. Instead of talking on the phone to all hours of the night, we sit at our laptops chatting away on an instant messenger.
Now even though technology has brought many people together, it has removed intimacy from our lives. I sometimes wonder if my fear of intimacy is an extension of being so tech dependent. Well not really fear as it is awkwardness. Can it be fixed? Can we as society turn back the clock and become personal again. I really don't have an answer to that. What I do know is that the next time I find myself in love, I am going to write her letters, talk to her on the phone, bring (not have delivered) her flowers. I am going to make it personal, and maybe, just maybe, find some intimacy in the process.
Two decades ago, we were writing hand-written letters whether we were mailing missed loved ones or passing notes in class to that high school crush. Now we just send an email or a mobile text. Instead of talking on the phone to all hours of the night, we sit at our laptops chatting away on an instant messenger.
Now even though technology has brought many people together, it has removed intimacy from our lives. I sometimes wonder if my fear of intimacy is an extension of being so tech dependent. Well not really fear as it is awkwardness. Can it be fixed? Can we as society turn back the clock and become personal again. I really don't have an answer to that. What I do know is that the next time I find myself in love, I am going to write her letters, talk to her on the phone, bring (not have delivered) her flowers. I am going to make it personal, and maybe, just maybe, find some intimacy in the process.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Music Man
Here lately, I've been feeling incomplete. No, not in that "You complete me" sort of way. For as long as I can remember, music was a part of my life. As a child, I always played around on keyboards, hammering out melodies from such classics as "Push It" by Salt N Pepa, "Axel F" from the Beverly Hills Cop movies, and the "Main Titles" from Beetlejuice.
The best thing my biological father ever did for me was push me into music. I don't know if he saw potential in me or what. He was a big musician. Not anyone famous though. He grew up playing trombone, but I never had any memories of listening to him play. He was big into bluegrass, and picked around on a banjo. When I was a little older, he dated a woman who owned a violin. Naturally, he introduced me to the style of fiddle. I never told him how much I enjoyed it. I wanted to, but it was too late. He and his girlfriend split. I never played fiddle again.
Fifth grade rolled around and the school sent out invitations to join beginner band. It couldn't have come at a better time for me. I was enjoying music class: learning about notes, scales, and (heaven forbid) the recorder. The problem I was facing was which instrument should I play.
About this time, I was really into this movie called Better Off Dead. It starred John Cusack as pretty much a loser who was out to win his ex-girlfriend back by skiing the K-12. He ends up falling for a French exchange student. Yes, it was very 1985. Who knew for the next decade or so, my rocky love life would mirror this movie, minus the skiing and falling for a French exchange student. I digress. :) There is a scene in the movie where his best friend tells him he should take up the saxophone again. "Chicks dig the sax." He does and plays for the exchange student later on. So voila, there was the answer to choosing my instrument.
My uncle happened to have a few different saxophones, and we purchased an alto from him. I played that saxophone for a decade. I kept up playing through middle school; through marching, concert, and jazz band in high school; even in college (where I had the most fun) through again marching and concert bands. In college, I branched off a bit, and played tenor and baritone saxes. Even after I left college, I played in a blues/rock band near Jackson called the Smoking Jackets. We played a few gigs here and there, including Memphis and Nashville. Soon after, I quit the band, and sold the sax to my cousin so he could start playing.
Do I miss the saxophone or music in general? I miss the music and performing. I've tried my hand at visual art, theater acting, and writing, but none can compare to music. With this, I have decided to buy a new instrument or two. Try something new.
And to be clear, I am not doing this to meet women. I am doing this for me. I am doing this to feel complete.
The best thing my biological father ever did for me was push me into music. I don't know if he saw potential in me or what. He was a big musician. Not anyone famous though. He grew up playing trombone, but I never had any memories of listening to him play. He was big into bluegrass, and picked around on a banjo. When I was a little older, he dated a woman who owned a violin. Naturally, he introduced me to the style of fiddle. I never told him how much I enjoyed it. I wanted to, but it was too late. He and his girlfriend split. I never played fiddle again.
Fifth grade rolled around and the school sent out invitations to join beginner band. It couldn't have come at a better time for me. I was enjoying music class: learning about notes, scales, and (heaven forbid) the recorder. The problem I was facing was which instrument should I play.
About this time, I was really into this movie called Better Off Dead. It starred John Cusack as pretty much a loser who was out to win his ex-girlfriend back by skiing the K-12. He ends up falling for a French exchange student. Yes, it was very 1985. Who knew for the next decade or so, my rocky love life would mirror this movie, minus the skiing and falling for a French exchange student. I digress. :) There is a scene in the movie where his best friend tells him he should take up the saxophone again. "Chicks dig the sax." He does and plays for the exchange student later on. So voila, there was the answer to choosing my instrument.
My uncle happened to have a few different saxophones, and we purchased an alto from him. I played that saxophone for a decade. I kept up playing through middle school; through marching, concert, and jazz band in high school; even in college (where I had the most fun) through again marching and concert bands. In college, I branched off a bit, and played tenor and baritone saxes. Even after I left college, I played in a blues/rock band near Jackson called the Smoking Jackets. We played a few gigs here and there, including Memphis and Nashville. Soon after, I quit the band, and sold the sax to my cousin so he could start playing.
Do I miss the saxophone or music in general? I miss the music and performing. I've tried my hand at visual art, theater acting, and writing, but none can compare to music. With this, I have decided to buy a new instrument or two. Try something new.
And to be clear, I am not doing this to meet women. I am doing this for me. I am doing this to feel complete.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Of Fun and Games.
To celebrate my financial freedom, I decided to treat myself to dinner and a movie. On a side note, I highly recommend every single person do this. Been doing this awhile now, and it is phenomenal. So I saw Adventureland. First off, great movie. Secondly, it reminded me of Opryland.
I spent the rest of the day reminiscing of summers in the late 80's. The sounds of the Wabash Cannonball whooshing down the first drop. The faint screams of excitement echoing through the park. The plastic pineapples and grizzly bears full of fruit punch. The sounds of country and bluegrass mixed with the clicking of rides and the bells and alarms of arcade and carnival games.
I had the privilege of working at Opryland for one day. Seeing a park behind the scenes was definitely interesting. I worked a game booth near the Rock 'n Roller Coaster. For those not familiar with Opryland, the park was set into different areas. This section of the park was called Doo Wah Ditty City, and decorated in a 50's theme. I was the game jockey for Blueberry Hill. It was the one where you tossed ping pong balls and tried to get them onto a blueberry pan. The worse part was dressing up in the mandatory period clothing. At the time, I hated working there. In retrospect, it was one of the most interesting and fun jobs I've ever held.
For those of you facebookers out there, check out this group. Just browsing the pics there, take me back. So here's to you, Opryland, the park destroyed for a mall. I miss the rides, the games, and most of all the memories; and I am not alone.
Until next time,
Rob
I spent the rest of the day reminiscing of summers in the late 80's. The sounds of the Wabash Cannonball whooshing down the first drop. The faint screams of excitement echoing through the park. The plastic pineapples and grizzly bears full of fruit punch. The sounds of country and bluegrass mixed with the clicking of rides and the bells and alarms of arcade and carnival games.
I had the privilege of working at Opryland for one day. Seeing a park behind the scenes was definitely interesting. I worked a game booth near the Rock 'n Roller Coaster. For those not familiar with Opryland, the park was set into different areas. This section of the park was called Doo Wah Ditty City, and decorated in a 50's theme. I was the game jockey for Blueberry Hill. It was the one where you tossed ping pong balls and tried to get them onto a blueberry pan. The worse part was dressing up in the mandatory period clothing. At the time, I hated working there. In retrospect, it was one of the most interesting and fun jobs I've ever held.
For those of you facebookers out there, check out this group. Just browsing the pics there, take me back. So here's to you, Opryland, the park destroyed for a mall. I miss the rides, the games, and most of all the memories; and I am not alone.
Until next time,
Rob
Friday, April 3, 2009
Fear and Loathing
Here I am. Thirty-two going on twenty-two. I think every man knows that journey. We want to become men, but at the cost of not growing up. However, this year alone I have made great strides to crossing over into manhood. The biggest step was paying off my student loans. I may not be big on long term goals, but I do have smaller ones. I don't like planning too far ahead as I disappoint easily when things don't go according to plan. So I take goals in steps. Since the student loan is gone, I can 1) purchase a home and 2)go back to school courtesy of my company (free ride).
So why have I regressed for so long? My life has been standing still for the past three years (minus the job promotion). What has stopped me from moving forward? Cynicism mainly. I always thought I would be married with children by now, but I am far from it. The only child I have is my adopted American Eskimo Spitz named Snowy.
Which brings me to the source of my cynicism: dating. I was set to be married twice, but for unforeseen circumstances and many blessings counted later, I am still single. What's wrong with that, you ask. For one, let me remind you that I am thirty-two. The proverbial clock is ticking down. Secondly, dating. It's frustrating.
I have been single for the past six years. I have dated off and on. I must say how different dating is from when you were twenty-something. I think you want different things from decade to decade. What is irritating about dating is the disappointment, and it comes in two flavors. You either meet people you have share no interests or values with, or you meet the one woman who you think is perfect only to find she'd rather be friends.
I used to consider myself a romantic, but all of this disappointment with dating just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong. It may sound like I am lonely. I am far from it. It's just that I am exhausted emotionally and mentally. I'm to the point now where I would rather remain single instead of repeating the dance, and I refuse to settle. So save your "you haven't met the right person" and "she is out there" speeches, you'll only waste your time.
Wow, this was suppose to be an introductory, but became a rant. I'll behave on the next post.
Until next time,
Rob
So why have I regressed for so long? My life has been standing still for the past three years (minus the job promotion). What has stopped me from moving forward? Cynicism mainly. I always thought I would be married with children by now, but I am far from it. The only child I have is my adopted American Eskimo Spitz named Snowy.
Which brings me to the source of my cynicism: dating. I was set to be married twice, but for unforeseen circumstances and many blessings counted later, I am still single. What's wrong with that, you ask. For one, let me remind you that I am thirty-two. The proverbial clock is ticking down. Secondly, dating. It's frustrating.
I have been single for the past six years. I have dated off and on. I must say how different dating is from when you were twenty-something. I think you want different things from decade to decade. What is irritating about dating is the disappointment, and it comes in two flavors. You either meet people you have share no interests or values with, or you meet the one woman who you think is perfect only to find she'd rather be friends.
I used to consider myself a romantic, but all of this disappointment with dating just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong. It may sound like I am lonely. I am far from it. It's just that I am exhausted emotionally and mentally. I'm to the point now where I would rather remain single instead of repeating the dance, and I refuse to settle. So save your "you haven't met the right person" and "she is out there" speeches, you'll only waste your time.
Wow, this was suppose to be an introductory, but became a rant. I'll behave on the next post.
Until next time,
Rob
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